Introduction to Bert’s Blog on Laird Smith
Bert Smith has been part of my life since before I was even born. She lost the love of her life, Laird, to cancer when he was only 51 years old. My family was devastated — it was the first time I saw someone I loved who wasn’t going to be around much longer. I write more about that experience in *Holding Space: How to Show Up Before the End — Even When Your Heart Is Breaking*.
For now, enjoy this thoughtful history of Laird Smith, written by Bert.
Laird Smith 1944-1995. A brief look at what he did during that dash!
Like Mike, Laird was born in 1944 and for most of his life, he resided in California. As an almost baby boomer, he grew up with the music of the Beatles, the Beach Boys, and watched those dreaded science fiction movies which featured giant grasshoppers scaling the skyscrapers of NY City. JOHN WAYNE was a hero in the films of that period. Black and white TV was relatively new and shows for the youngsters included I Love Lassie, The Lone Ranger, Howdy Doody, and a few westerns including Bonanza.. At that time, Disneyland was established in Anaheim and The Mickey Mouse Club tv show was watched by kids growing up in the 1950’s…and then there was ELVIS! Favorite family tv shows included Twilight Zone, The Carol Burnett Show, quiz shows, and eventually the televised World Series.
Eventually, Laird took up golf with his mom and often went on duck hunting trips with the family. As a teen in California, Laird and his three siblings dabbled with surfing while spending summers at the ocean. His favorite high school sport was swimming, but once he was at Stanford, he realized that the national swimming champions were the serious competition.
In the era of the Vietnam war and the nationwide draft, both Mike and Laird served in the military. During that time, they met their future spouses and eventually became young dads.
Laird and Mike eventually continued their education after their first degree. Mike eventually received his doctorate after countless hours of travel and study.. Laird completed four masters degrees in the area of finance. Although there both worked for the State of California, both left public service to embark on their own careers. Mike probably talked Laird into leaving state employment to work in the private sector.
By coincidence, the Smiths and Tompkins both moved to the “hood” on the same day: June, 6, 1972.The neighbors were mostly first time homeowners and were eager to join in all activities. Since many of the fellas had jobs which often required them to be out of town during the week or attend night classes, many of the moms would gather together to take the kids to McDonalds and then meet at one another’s home to show old family movies.
Jog now, Coors later. Since the National Guard required reservists to maintain their weight, Laird was constantly jogging or playing pick up basketball with the fellas at the school gym.
Mike was the only one who managed to have a KEG in a garage! Since it was between the jogging trail and home, Laird and a few other fellas often stopped by for some lively conversation and a beer. It was probably then that Mike honed his skills in counseling or just had a good time. Back in the day, the concept of a “Man Cave” was not a term, but the fellas often gathered at Mike’s.
Mike’s hobby was amateur theater and the neighbors fully supported him. It was fun to go downtown and see him in his element! At one time, there was a special birthday party which the T’s held at a downtown restaurant. It was then that Mike broke out in song, and song, and song. Whoda thunk? It’s nice to have talent in the neighborhood.In contra, Laird was tone deaf, but he still and in church and politely smile as he knew he was way of key!
It was fun to begin our young family in the old neighborhood. When we first moved there, our first backyard garden had towering corn stalks.
As a Midwesterner, Bert had to grow corn and invite a few neighbors over for a corn harvest and barbecue. Laird was patient to put up with our attempt of farming in the “back 40”. As a bonus to having a yard, it was a joy for Dad to come home from work, get down to his skivvies, and hop in the plastic pool to spend special time with toddler Ryan. Male bonding!
Unfortunately, with the birth of Derek, the new “office” was an extended wall unit in the family room. Since that was not an ideal situation, the Smiths found a four bedroom in a different neighborhood. However, we all remained in contact with the Ts. When Laird had Reserve weekends, the Smith kids would stop by and kidnap Michelle for the day. Rule: dress for adventure! Michelle often explored the nature area with the boys. Coming back with muddy clothes was not unusual as the kids sometimes went to the nature area to catch tadpoles or just explore. On one extended adventure, sweet Michelle, who usually dressed up and played with dolls, attended camp with Derek. Her mom packed treats to share; Michelle packed her doll AND stroller as part of her camp gear. Accommodations were tents, so little M (known as “Parcel” by her family), had to pack her gear into the crowded tent. One of the extra items was hair mousse (for a seven year old?) However it was a big hit for their tent group’s talent show.
Despite the distance, both families did get together for gatherings. Elba loved to entertain and often had a houseful of assorted relatives, friends, and KIDS for holiday gatherings. Since the Smiths did not have family in the area, it was fun to join them on Christmas Eve. “More Presents!” Mike would exclaim. The evening went on until the last gift was opened. The Smith tribe Laird enjoyed getting to meet the other members of the Tompkins extended family.
At some point, both Laird and Mike eventually had hip replacements. Laird and a friend of the T’s named Don both had vascular necrosis after having taken Prednisone. Don presented Laird with an enormous bottle of beer with a long RX letter carefully taped to the label. Of course, with post surgery meds, Laird was not able to imbibe. For many weeks, he was NOT to leave his hospital bed since the robot doc used a process which required one’s tissue to grow into the titanium mesh of his new hip bone. Naughty LAIRD: his staff associate would drive over everyday to review work cases, but one day he convinced her to drive him to a local car dealer as he needed to find a car with a wide door.
Occasionally, Laird would have the chance to get out and visit. He might have been on crutches when we visited with the Tompkins..team sympathy, but alas: NO BEER..That year was 1986: both Derek and Michelle were probably about twelve years old.
Thankfully, with Laird’s sense of humor, faith, and determination, he survived temporary convalescence, but several years later, he had a rare cancer at age 39. One of the first buddies he had to share that news with was Mike ..a longtime friend and empathetic listener and encourager. It’s unfortunate that many years later, Laird was not around to be with Mike during his illness.
Like Mike, Laird worked indecently, so his “water cooler gang” were the folks at the Orangevale Rotary. With great enthusiasm, he sponsored seven new members to the small club. Eventually, he became the club’s president and with great gusto, he began the early Friday mornings with the loud call, “Good Morning, Orangevale Rotary!”
In addition to community activities with the local Rotary, Chamber of Commerce, Sacramento Stanford Alumni Association and Scout Merit Badge counselor, he would often find other projects such as convincing Stanford that they need a team tent at the annual Pacific Rowing Championship match. Both rowers, families, and alumni would gather at the venue for a hot dog break and a chance to visit with the students. One year, he convinced neighbors Bob to take the Stanford tent, Larry to host the Pomona venue, and he would volunteer for his USC tent (alumni with the MBA). When son Derek was in the high school band, Laird wrote to various colleges for their pep song music so band members could sit in the tent. For all the hot dogs they trekked down to the crew races to play the college fight songs. Laird convinced the CSUS coach for a T shirt donation and on Monday morning, he presented the prizes to the volunteer band members!
Although Laird could not participate in remote family or Scout camp outs nor carry heavy items because of prior heart and hip surgeries, he enthusiastically embraced life.
At age 39, Laird had surgery for removal of his thyroid since he was diagnosed with having a rare thymoma. Since Kaiser could not complete the resection and had given this strong man the dire news of having six months to two years to live, Laird studied the medical articles, checked with his parents, and after two additional medical consults, he elected to have surgery at Stanford. (He had to audacity to ask for an alumni discount!) Knowing that he was served by some of the brightest and best physicians, he felt confidant that he could tackle the challenge : he was a non-smoker, regular jogger, and relatively young patient. Despite the tricky operation which involved removing the lining of the heart, Laird had a heart attack on the post op day.
The poster: although Laird was able to have visitors for only fifteen minutes every two and a half hours, he always had a six foot wall hanging which brought greetings. Prayer warriors galore! Many signed their names or we added names who were part of his support team. Neighbors Joyce and Bob Fritz as well as our minister visited Laird when he was previously at Kaiser; we prayed, laid hands-on him and the pastor anointed his head with oil: we prayed that God would be with him throughout this healing process. Blessed assurance!
Convalescence: although Laird needed recuperation time at home, he was able to call friends and keep updated. He always felt reassured after a call with Mike.
Humor: following weeks of post op radiation, Laird brought a gift to the lab staff. Instead of a traditional box of chocolates, Laird walked in the center with a box of champagne!
Sadly, an unrelated cancer appeared about eleven years later. From first having school aged boys experience Laird’s illness, Laird’s sons were now both in college. They had acquired more of Laird’s values, faith, humor, and what it was to be a responsible family man. Laird often commented at milestone events such as graduations, that it was a joy to be able to still be alive! Gratitude and perseverance! Praise the Lord!
Laird’s lung cancer surgery, which was eleven years later, was in late December. He convalesced at home while he remained on support oxygen and lived on the first floor. Every Friday, various Rotarians would visit to just be in the house. During that time, he moved the phone, fax line, files, and computer to the dining room. He spent days closing down many of his CPA accounts as well as consulting with another Rotarian who represented Laird in the sale of his practice.
Laird was preparing to to meet his Maker. Exactly two months later and weeks after his fifty-first birthday, our very brave dad, husband, and adult son, passed away. This was a bittersweet moment. As a Christian, we knew he would forever be in God’s hands, but as the head of our family, we will never know the “whys” of this tragic illness. The inscription inside his wedding ring stated; “My love, more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” He is still alive in our hearts.
October 12, 1969: Laird Smith and Bert Tolson were married in Illinois and began their married life in Yuba City, California while Laird was stationed at Beale Air Force Base in Yuba County.
He passed away on February 19, 1995.
The photos depict young Laird ready for a softball game, our engagement visit to his folks in San Marino, our first family visit at the park which was a few months before we moved to Citrus Heights and met Elba and Mike, an at home holiday morning, and Laird mentoring son Ryan on a build a man kit. RC later became a scientist, and a patent attorney and curious Derek is now a self-employed engineer.
Beautiful story
What a wonderful outlook on life, no matter what we go through in life it is our attitude and perspective, look for the joy in the small momentts.